new me, old me?

my new car, circa 2001

This weekend i had one of those "the grass is always greener" moments. It's not that home is all that bad either, it just the hour drive home gives you lots of time to compare.

This past Friday i went into Vancouver to get my new (old) car signed over, and to pick up some of its parts. I bought the car from a guy I've known over the years, but have never really been friends with. He has always been one of those elusive people that you can say you know, but don't really. This one happens to be about my age (see, i don't even know how old he is) and is living the way i wish i did sometimes.
-amazing studio apartment in downtown
-lives with his cute girlfriend
-sweet job designing stuff (movie props in this case)
-looks like a bum (not really, but those who know me, know what i'm mean)
-has access to a machine shop to build his own parts

I had a great time hanging out with him, realizing he isn't all that much different from me either. It's just choices we all make put us in situation we are currently in. When I started to right this post, I heard voices saying "just do it then" and "work hard at it...", and realized, yes, if i want something, i do have to work and strive for it. but I have also realized, he isn't all that happy either.
He is looking for another job, but no one is interested in his lack of actual engineering experience. He also pays over $1200 for his little concrete hole. And my car is better, except for the paint =)
I realized that even though I have been in BC for a year now, i haven't really done too much. I took the first 6 months being a bum, relaxing, and sharing time with old and new friends. I dug myself out of a funk that had been building for way too long. I have now been working a great job for 6 months, and things are looking up. I have been getting involved with the race track, getting more motivated to do things, like my new car, and i can get out of bed in the morning without hitting snooze a thousand times. I have things that challenge me, and i am beating them. I have people around me that are examples to follow.

I realized my time will come, I have just needed a reboot. Re-adjusting my thinking, evaluating my surroundings. I am thinking about school again, though this September won't be it. I need to continue on this path for a while and see where my life takes me. Maybe meet that someone to share moments with. Or just my own place somewhere again.

I find myself getting a litle older - funny that my birthday is coming up. My choices and ideas are not ones I would have picked a year or two ago. And I don't like thinking of it as being older, i see it as getting wiser or smarter. but saying that just makes me old now, doesn't it?

my old(?) car, circa 2006